Troop Movement

First off, to all the dumb bike morons - screw YOU.

There was an accident on 1-10 that kept me from getting to the ride on time. I'm considering suing the city manager or whoever has made a mess of the once noble American interstate system, but fine, whatever, I'll let it go.

I'm keeping my nurse Hector on retainor and I'm loading up in the RV to head down to Del Rio. There's supposed to be a good surgeon on the other side of the river in Black Rock that can help me with my artificial hip. BAMC is getting crowded and evidently don't have space for the Colonel right now.

So anyway, to conclude - screw off bike gangsters. You didn't prove anything except that you are all morons. I will outlast all of you even if it takes extended periods of cryogenics and other forms of experimental medicine. If you don't hear from me anytime soon it means either I'm too busy having more fun than you, or, I'm on ice taking a break for a while.

dismissed

the Colonel of Truth

One Day Left

As I waited off the cliffs of Dover that fateful Summer day in June of 1944, the weather wasn't perfect, our attack was almost canceled, but we stuck to it. And we prevailed.

Of course I'm referring to the most important day in the history of humanity when we stormed the beaches of Normandy and crushed evil and, as I mentioned before, basically changed the course of history and how we describe this thing called evil.

And now a second such moment occurs.

So, in that spirit its time for us to get out the canes, pump air into the wheel chairs tires, look into the mirror past all the wrinkles and melanomas and find the face of a hero.

We will prevail. We must! Otherwise, our deadbeat children will collect our life insurance payments and use it for ugly remodeling jobs for their ugly houses. Screw that!

Bravo Company, roll call! Who's with me!

Where to Buy A Good Cane (For Knocking Dumb Kids Off Their Bike)

I have been getting literally hundreds of emails from fellow protestors telling me that they are afraid to use their favorite cane on the bike gang summit to knock people off their bikes. People are afraid that they will scuff up their cane which they need to use to walk on occasion (if only I was so lucky...)

This is a legitimate concern. That's why I'm posting a link to this website: http://canemart.com/

It seems they have all sorts of deals on a variety of canes. So, for those who don't want to trash one of their favorite family canes on knocking some dumb kids off their bike, I understand. I'm considering the "Fritz" model, though the "Crook" could work just as well.

Okay...dismissed.

The Colonel of Truth (Colonel D. Williams (Ret.))

Zombie Youth Culture

On Saturday evening at around 6:30 pm I was at the Menger bar enjoying a Singapore Whore, that's a drink me and the guys from Alpha Team used to drink when were on R and R.

As I looked out the window I saw all these misguided kids dressed like zombies walking around acting like they were the walking dead or something. Tourists around me thought it was so neat. I raised my cane and yelled "Why? The youth of today are all zombies anyway. What's the difference?"

I was too busy soaking up the atmosphere of the great Teddy Roosevelt to let a bunch of drifters and miscreants interrupt my moment. And it was then that I saw a quote by Teddy Roosevelt on the wall that seemed appropriate.

"Only those are fit to live who do not fear to die; And none are fit to die who have shrunk from the joy of life and the duty of life. Both life and death are part of the same great adventure."

I had a tear in my eye as I waited for Hector to pull up in the van to give me a ride to group water aerobics. Hector was five minutes late so I cussed him out in public to let him know that excessive tardiness is not acceptable.

Another Flyer? Looks Just As Bad As the First

Seems like an act of desperation to me. I think they forgot the fifth step - go home and cry in the mirror because I'm a big failure. Or should that be step one?

Parking Information for the Protest

For all my brothers of Bravo and Charlie Company I thought I would post some info on where to park our wheel-chair accessible vans so we can wheel over to the beginning of the ride and remind these young hooligans that freedom isn't free.

So the ride is starting under a freeway in a field next to Pigstand. Huh?

Anyway, south on Alamo street a few blocks is Maverick Park. There seem to be some parking spaces around there south of Jones street. Look for my custom van with the mural of the bald eagle on the side. And if there are more than one vans with that same mural, then look for the WHITE van. That will be mine.

Here's some sort of map info:

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&time=&date=&ttype=&q=10th+and+alamo+street+san+antonio+tx&sll=29.431637,-98.481939&sspn=0.011886,0.014055&ie=UTF8&ll=29.432608,-98.481553&spn=0.011886,0.014055&z=16&iwloc=addr&om=1


If my nurse Hector was around I'd get him to pretty that up a bit.


People could also park in the Government Hill area but I can't verify its safety.

Anyway, I hope that helps.

Oh yeah - for any bike gangsters reading this (assuming they can read), go eat some raw eggs you losers.

as always,

the Colonel of Truth (Colonel D. Williams (Ret.))

Colonel vs. the Buck Private (Part 1 of 237 of the Debate)

This is just one part of the debate between me, the Colonel, and some shadowy character named 'Jones', assuming that's even a real name. Jones. That's the oldest trick in the book. I can't stand misrepresentation. It makes my prostate ache. My nurse harangues me to take saw palmetto supplements to alleviate the pressure but I'm not into eating saw dust or whatever the hell it is.

Anyway, the "debate", assuming we can even call it that. I tried to be fair like O'Reilly. I gave him enough rope to break free. Instead he hung himself with it. It's troubling to read because its so painful, but here it is: Part 1 of 237 of the Debate, the Colonel vs. the Buck Private. Women and children probably should not keep reading.

(Also, Hector my nurse transcribed all this so if there are any mistakes don't blame me, blame Hector!)

Colonel: So how long have you been a member of the Communist Party? Always, or is this something you just recently heard about from the lyrics of some stupid band so you thought you would jump in head first like ever other dumb kid who thinks he knows more than his elders?

(Pause)

Jones:...I thought we were going to talk about bikes?

Colonel: Short attention span - that's a problem with your generation, huh?

(No response.)

Colonel: Huh?!

Jones: Next question.

Colonel: Your obstinance is weighing on me. (Quietly) Alright let's move on. Did you come from a broken home? In other words, is all this bike summit stuff a part of some cycle of abuse?

Jones: Was that a pun?

Colonel: What are you talking about?

Jones: - cycle of abuse.

Colonel: Will you answer the damn question!

Jones: I thought this was going to be a debate of ideas.

Colonel: Well, it's difficult when you have none. Between you and me, I'm wiping the floor with you.

Jones: You haven't asked me a real question yet.

Colonel: So you quit? Already? What are you French?

(At this point there is the sound of rustling like a bag being packed, a wheelchair revving its electrical engine, paper being thrown in the air, a door slamming shut.)

TO BE CONTINUED...