To Hell and Back

After having caused much trouble from afar, and having been described in Stars and Bars as the "C.A. Stubbs of the San Antonio art scene", I have decided to make my return back home to San Antonio to make life hell for all the evildoers. Of course I'm referring to the careless youth of "our" generation.

And why in particular am I returning now? Is it because my experimental hip surgery was a smashing sucess? Because the San Antonio golf courses have suddenly improved? No, and no. The true reason - the Bike Gang Summit has resurfaced! I pride myself on being the light to this nefarious shadow group.

My spies have told me that there will be a second Bike Gang Summit for Halloween on Saturday night, October 27th. The meeting point will be sometime around 6:23pm in the field next to Pigstand on Broadway. The reasons for that location and precise time are a mystery, but really who cares? I pass this along now so that we can begin forming a counter-protest ride. I encourage all my brothers from Charlie and Bravo company to join me on my wheelchair as we run these young hooligans off the road!

More details to come soon. I'm web-logging this from a truckstop in Slidell, Lousianna.

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated!

dismissed,

The Colonel of Truth (Colonel D. Williams (Ret.))

Update from the Land of Eternal Youth

Well, my experimental hip replacement surgery went pretty well. As I look out my hospital window memories come flooding over me. At times I ask myself, "is my work here done yet?" The answer - a clear no. I feel young again. I feel like I'm 77 again! There's so much to teach the misguided youth of today!

Now begins the long process of rehab. Oh sure it will be a lot of work but I can't wait to make it back to San Antonio in time for the Fall. It's what keeps me alive.

You have not heard the last of Colonel D. Williams (Ret.)

I Shall Return!

Ok, fine, so maybe you won this battle. You had a better showing than I thought. Congratulations, you know what that means? You've just given me new motivation to stay alive longer. Why? So I can taste the sweetness of victory when I finally crush you.

So, I'm taking off to Florida right now. Screw it, you can have the San Antonio Summer. I don't need this city. The golf courses here suck anyway.

But before you start slapping yourselves on the back, realize this: my spies tell me there will something HUGE coming up in the Fall. And when I get confirmation of the next event, I'll be back in a hearbeat with a new prosthetic hip and ready to kick all your lazy asses up and down the street. Laugh it up while you can slackers because it won't last long.

I shall return!

yours truly,

Colonel D. Williams (Ret.)

Congratulations! You've Accomplished Nothing!

Ok, so you had a decent turnout for the Summit, well not as big as 1947, but it was ok. And you're probably patting yourselves on the back thinking you've got me licked. Hardly. Whenever you're cruising down the road, I'll be behind you in my electric wheelchair waiting to put my cane in your spokes. Whenever you lock your bike outside a bar, I'll be there in my van crushing it underneath my hydraulic wheelchair lift. And when you're in the ditch eating dirt, I'll be there laughing.

That's right, you have not seen the last of Colonel D. Williams (Ret.)!

I Have In My Hand A List Of Known Bike Gangs

That's right little girls, espionage. I have my hands on a list of known gangs for the loser's convention, I'm sorry, I mean Bike Gang Summit. Basically, by printing this list I'm clearing myself of any liability in case I run you off the road with my electric wheelchair and stick my cane in your spokes. When you're in the ditch eating dirt wondering why your life sucks, don't come and blame me! You have been warned!

Here's an incomplete list of bike gangs for tonight who now agree for me to run them off the road with my electric wheelchair and stick my cane in their spoke. Two wheels bitches, you wouldn't get mad at a fellow brother of the road, would you?

And without further whatever, here's the list of shame:

The Southtown Sissies

Gang Green

The Marfa Lights

Hell's Unwanted (or something like that, I think they're French. Ughh.)

The Fucking Jim Dandies

The Van Trapps

The Pee Wee Hermanns

The Legion of Superheroes


The list goes on and my prostate aches even more...

Keep fighting the good fight!

D-Day Is Here

It's gutcheck time. Have you done everything you can do to ensure that the Bike Gang Summit will be a total failure? And I don't mean sitting around all palsy-walsy with your friends with your thumb in the mouth hoping its going to keep raining. The battle goes on. The weather wasn't ideal when we stormed the beaches of Normandy. Sheesh, 'ol Ike almost had to cancel the operation. And so what if the weather isn't ideal today? The bike thugs will be out there. COUNT ON IT. They're like roaches on a hot summer night.

So, have you done everything you can do?

UPDATE: So it looks like its going to full of sunshine and rainbows and crap for the summit tonight. Yawn. It'll just make it easier for me to spot the enemy. Good luck tonight bike gangsters. And by good luck, I mean go to hell you lazy SOBs.

Bike Gang Summit Flyer - Whoopty Fudging Doo

So they have a flyer. Yawn. Now there's something other than the weather channel to make me fall asleep at night.