5 Scientific Reasons Why The Summit Is Bad For The City

So you think I'm just some old coot with sour grapes? Baloney! Examine these cold hard facts of what goes on during the Summit:

1. Gas stations close all around town. Why? Don't blame the Saudis this time. Bike hooligans scare cars from exerting their natural right of dominating the road. Without cars on the road, what's next? Subway systems and godless Communism? No thanks mister!

2. The pregnancy rate explodes during the Summit. Great. 40 weeks later a bunch of bastard little bike hooligans are born. I've always been against abortion, but geez Louise this makes me wonder if its not so bad ever now and then...

3. Dancing on the Sabbath. Men and women gyrating their sweaty bodies until the late, sinful hours. Do I have to keep going? Isn't it obvious why this is terrible?

4. Drinking at bars. This leads to points #2 and #3. Ugh..

5. It comforts the Terrorists.


As you can see, this whole scenario is a perfect storm of dancing, singing, carousing, drinking, and general self-indulgent anarchy.