"Scorchers Terrorize Horse Carriages on Kaiser Wilhelm Street"

Below is an article I found at the Institute of Texan Cultures from the San Antonio Light, June 14th, 1897. Just reading it makes my damn prostate ache. Will there ever be peace from the oppression of bike gang summits?

"A new form of menace has begun to plague the noble city of San Antonio de Bexar. This menace is a group of street hooligans known as the "Scorchers". Their form of transportation is the newly popular bicycle. As citizens ride their horse carriages home from work, the "Scorchers" are known to lay in wait and then blaze down the cobblestone streets at maddening speeds, terrorizing the honest German citizens and horses of Kaiser Wilhelm Street.

An interview with Burgermeister Steves brought this comment, "The 'Scorchers' are a threat to our way of life, which naturally is the horse and buggy. We will do whatever it takes to preserve that way of life. They will be crushed."

Defenders of the "Scorchers" claim they are only having fun and that they have a right to the road as much as the horse. This opinion, of course, is in the minority.

Anyone who sees the Scorchers should not engage them and report them to the nearest constable."


I'm not racist because one of my best friends is a Czech, but if I were Burgermeister Steves I would have rounded up those malingering Czech hooligans and put them on their bikes and told them to ride straight into damn Medina Lake and don't stop pedalling. But I suppose that wouldn't be 'politically correct' nowadays, or whatever that mumbo jumbo is. Good Lord, my prostate is killing me.

Keep fighting the good fight!