Why I’m Against this Bicycle Gang Summit (And Every Bike Gang Summit!)

I spend most of my time in retirement doing three things: 1) collecting rare gold coins, 2) teaching kids firearm safety, 3) and most importantly, lecturing about the evils of bicycle gang summits. Why do I dedicate my life to stopping bike gang summits? Sadly, because I was once a member of a bicycle gang.

As a youth I rode with a bicycle gang. And I made all the horrible choices one could make – nights of moral bankruptcy, dancing on the Sabbath, carousing with unmarried women. Life is too short to throw it away on such meaningless pursuits! That is why I chose a different path. After coming back from the war and seeing my fellow soldiers throw it all away by joining these bicycle gangs, I had to do something. Hitler was one tough son of a gun allright, but getting people to give up these bike gangs has been the biggest battle of my life.

So while all my fellow veterans are out playing bingo at the VFW Hall or at home watching Wheel of Fortune, I’m going to be here on my computer fighting the good fight and educating the next greatest generation on what not to do with their life.

Thanks for joining the movement!