Colonel vs. the Buck Private (Part 1 of 237 of the Debate)

This is just one part of the debate between me, the Colonel, and some shadowy character named 'Jones', assuming that's even a real name. Jones. That's the oldest trick in the book. I can't stand misrepresentation. It makes my prostate ache. My nurse harangues me to take saw palmetto supplements to alleviate the pressure but I'm not into eating saw dust or whatever the hell it is.

Anyway, the "debate", assuming we can even call it that. I tried to be fair like O'Reilly. I gave him enough rope to break free. Instead he hung himself with it. It's troubling to read because its so painful, but here it is: Part 1 of 237 of the Debate, the Colonel vs. the Buck Private. Women and children probably should not keep reading.

(Also, Hector my nurse transcribed all this so if there are any mistakes don't blame me, blame Hector!)

Colonel: So how long have you been a member of the Communist Party? Always, or is this something you just recently heard about from the lyrics of some stupid band so you thought you would jump in head first like ever other dumb kid who thinks he knows more than his elders?

(Pause)

Jones:...I thought we were going to talk about bikes?

Colonel: Short attention span - that's a problem with your generation, huh?

(No response.)

Colonel: Huh?!

Jones: Next question.

Colonel: Your obstinance is weighing on me. (Quietly) Alright let's move on. Did you come from a broken home? In other words, is all this bike summit stuff a part of some cycle of abuse?

Jones: Was that a pun?

Colonel: What are you talking about?

Jones: - cycle of abuse.

Colonel: Will you answer the damn question!

Jones: I thought this was going to be a debate of ideas.

Colonel: Well, it's difficult when you have none. Between you and me, I'm wiping the floor with you.

Jones: You haven't asked me a real question yet.

Colonel: So you quit? Already? What are you French?

(At this point there is the sound of rustling like a bag being packed, a wheelchair revving its electrical engine, paper being thrown in the air, a door slamming shut.)

TO BE CONTINUED...