A Brief Haiku for My Fellow Soldiers

The road will be long,
Our energy can't fail us,
Especially not when I have a barium enema scheduled for 8:30 tomorrow morning and my artificial hip is aching like the anti-Christ.


I'm still dabbling with the form and the whole 5-7-5 thing, which I might have messed up a bit, but I wanted to take this moment to let my fellow soldiers know that you aren't forgotten in this battle to end the Bike Gang Summit.

WE WILL PREVAIL!

,the Colonel of Truth (Colonel D. Williams (Ret.))

Bike Gang Summit Flyer - Whoopty Fudging Doo, Again

Is It All A Lie?

Is it all a lie?

That's what the hundreds of emails have been asking me. And when I pressed them further this is what they tell me. "There's no way this could be real. It's too ridiculous. How could this Bike Gang Summit actually exist?"

That's right. Because this retarded youth culture bike gang movement is so debased, people are assuming that I invented it to show how stupid the kids of today are! If only I was that clever. There's no substitute for the real thing. The youth of today find ways to embarrass themselves well beyond anything I could invent.

Nonetheless, to prove skeptics wrong I have asked my enemy, a shadowy character named 'Jones' to a debate and on occasion, guest blog on this site so people can see for themselves that I have not invented this Bike Gang Summit fiasco and that youth is still as debaucherous and unapologetically hedonistic as ever.

Stay tuned. The debate will begin shortly. Please send me any questions you want me to ask. I've been studying Bill O'Reilly to try and be fair and balanced but I'm afraid I might not be as even handed as the great O'Reilly.

To my friends, I thank you for your support.

To the members of the Bike Gang Summit 2, go suck on some raw eggs.

,as always,

,the Colonel of Truth,

Colonel D. Williams (Ret.)

To Hell and Back

After having caused much trouble from afar, and having been described in Stars and Bars as the "C.A. Stubbs of the San Antonio art scene", I have decided to make my return back home to San Antonio to make life hell for all the evildoers. Of course I'm referring to the careless youth of "our" generation.

And why in particular am I returning now? Is it because my experimental hip surgery was a smashing sucess? Because the San Antonio golf courses have suddenly improved? No, and no. The true reason - the Bike Gang Summit has resurfaced! I pride myself on being the light to this nefarious shadow group.

My spies have told me that there will be a second Bike Gang Summit for Halloween on Saturday night, October 27th. The meeting point will be sometime around 6:23pm in the field next to Pigstand on Broadway. The reasons for that location and precise time are a mystery, but really who cares? I pass this along now so that we can begin forming a counter-protest ride. I encourage all my brothers from Charlie and Bravo company to join me on my wheelchair as we run these young hooligans off the road!

More details to come soon. I'm web-logging this from a truckstop in Slidell, Lousianna.

Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated!

dismissed,

The Colonel of Truth (Colonel D. Williams (Ret.))

Update from the Land of Eternal Youth

Well, my experimental hip replacement surgery went pretty well. As I look out my hospital window memories come flooding over me. At times I ask myself, "is my work here done yet?" The answer - a clear no. I feel young again. I feel like I'm 77 again! There's so much to teach the misguided youth of today!

Now begins the long process of rehab. Oh sure it will be a lot of work but I can't wait to make it back to San Antonio in time for the Fall. It's what keeps me alive.

You have not heard the last of Colonel D. Williams (Ret.)

I Shall Return!

Ok, fine, so maybe you won this battle. You had a better showing than I thought. Congratulations, you know what that means? You've just given me new motivation to stay alive longer. Why? So I can taste the sweetness of victory when I finally crush you.

So, I'm taking off to Florida right now. Screw it, you can have the San Antonio Summer. I don't need this city. The golf courses here suck anyway.

But before you start slapping yourselves on the back, realize this: my spies tell me there will something HUGE coming up in the Fall. And when I get confirmation of the next event, I'll be back in a hearbeat with a new prosthetic hip and ready to kick all your lazy asses up and down the street. Laugh it up while you can slackers because it won't last long.

I shall return!

yours truly,

Colonel D. Williams (Ret.)

Congratulations! You've Accomplished Nothing!

Ok, so you had a decent turnout for the Summit, well not as big as 1947, but it was ok. And you're probably patting yourselves on the back thinking you've got me licked. Hardly. Whenever you're cruising down the road, I'll be behind you in my electric wheelchair waiting to put my cane in your spokes. Whenever you lock your bike outside a bar, I'll be there in my van crushing it underneath my hydraulic wheelchair lift. And when you're in the ditch eating dirt, I'll be there laughing.

That's right, you have not seen the last of Colonel D. Williams (Ret.)!